Unfaithful: The pool party

I was talking to him when she came, whispered something in his ear and left. I noticed it was something big, exciting maybe because his expression changed suddenly. I kept on talking to him, explaining some things he wanted to know about, but he wasn't paying attention anymore. He seemed to be thinking, reflecting about something, probably that thing she whispered.
After a short while she came back, interrupting us for the second time, whispered something to him again and went inside the house. She seemed rushed.
This time, 30 seconds after, he apologized to me and went inside the house too, like following her. I didn't know what she said to him but I figured it out when they came back out. I was in the pool.

"Go to the atic"- she whispered and left. He was talking to a friend but her comment deviated his attention.-Why would she tell me that? What does she want?- he wondered, while his friend kept on talking. He tried to forget about it for the moment and focus on what his friend was telling but she came back one more time and insisted on him to go.
He apologized to his friend and went to see what was that she wanted him for in the atic. When he got there she flung to him, kissing and touching his body.
He was confused-alcohol had started to make an effect on his head- but he incorporated quickly and began to do the same things to her. He was putting aside her bra and caressed her nipples as she put in her hand down his shorts to masturbate him. Then, he took down his shorts, took off her bathing suit and penetrated her right there, agaist the door of the atic down the pool party.
It didn't last long. The alcohol and the excitement created by the voices comming from upstair made him cum inside of her shortly. Then they dressed, came up and incorporated to the party like nothing ever happened. It all lasted 8 minutes.

When I saw him comming out of the house shortly followed by her, I realized what she was whispering him minutes ago. He came back, asked for a drink and got in the pool. Ten minutes later, his girlfriend arrived.

As he finished his drink he saw his girlfriend comming in and he turned pale. He realized what he had done.
He saw her greeting everybody and asking for the food and drinks. She would always pretend like she didn't care about him, though she already saw him in a glance. She took off her clothes and joined a group of people that were jumping off a wall in the pool. She jumped in the pool and began to swim , wondering why hadn't he come to be with her.

I saw her acting like he wasn't there and I assumed she was mad at him. Then I remembered she was acting like that because she wanted him to come to her, she always did. After a while he did but didn't spend much time with her. Instead, he just went out the pool and joined his friends, the ones playing Domino aside.

She was talking to a girl when she saw a sign she didn't fully get, but was enough to realize there was something that didn't fit, though she didn't know what was it. He brought the other girl a towel and wrapped her into it, hugging her. She sensed it was not right, but she couldn't explain how.

When I saw him hugging that girl I could have bet his girlfriend realized what had happened. I was surprised he did that and could see the girlfriend's face filling up with confusion and anger. Poor girl. I knew that would explode in her face sooner than later. And it did. 3 days later, at work.

She got upset with him but still gave him a ride. In the car they talked and he explained himself and she thought it was reasonable. They made out to make up and she left. As she was driving home, she felt something wasn't right but rejected the feeling. She didn't know 3 days after her worst fear would be confirmed and would change, whether she wanted it to or not, her work, her love, her Life.

Iana
11:27 pm
Sunday
May 28, 2006

PMS

PMS:
The simplest reason to explain why am I so mad, though its not the real reason. As unstable as my hormones could be I'd still be pissed off if a friend dumped me for an 18 year old boy and Co., if someone tried to charge me extra money for an ice cream I buy every week or if someone I supposed was smart and whose mistakes I justified in the past-as horrible and unhuman as they were- would actually go on getting more stupid to the point where "the mistake" has been comitted twice in less than 3 months, 3 times in total for a life that has been almost as short as mine.

I can't blame it on hormones. I'd love to, but I can't. I blame it on people: thoughtless people. The ones that choose to fall for the wrong people, the ones that don't admit they' re mistaken- even when they know they are-and those that take no responsability for their actions acting before thinking and always choosing the easiest way regardless of how unethical (not to mention brutal) that way may result.

I can't blame it on hormones cuz its effects only make me hot and horny (very) and sometimes a little agressive but hormones don't lie, cheat or kill.

.....so, I guess I can't blame it on the hormones.

Iana
10:51pm
Thursday
may 18, 2006

Fallen Angel

And you try once, twice, three times
and it still doesn't work.
And you turn yourself inside out
and wait, expecting a reaction;
but nothing happens, everything remains.

You try to take your heart out, get rid of it
and you can't. You don't want to.
So you go in and search for reasons, meanings, words
and you can't find anything;
everything is a mess, everything is a blur
but you still see the way out.
You try to reach it but you don't,
there's still that part of you that doesn't want to leave,
wants to stay, as painful as it is.

You were close once, you almost did it.
Then, it came up again: stronger, tougher, bigger.
You fought a lot and almost succeded
but it still controlled you, you still wanted it.

It's that part of you, it always interfears;
It wants to feel, despite of the price.
It doesn't matter what is it: love, pain, joy, frustration...
It doesn't care as long as you are linked to feelings, life, humanity.

It's different now, you've done it.
You can't feel a thing, you are numb.
There are still traces of it within your soul
only this time, you control them, they've lost their power over you.

Its not what you thought it'd be,
it never was.
That dream you had is over now,
you' re back to reality.

Your hands still shake, your legs still weaken
and, from time to time, anxiety overcomes sleep
but now it doesn't affect you,
because your mind controls your body.

I don't have a heart anymore, it's gone
and my soul is ripped in pieces.
My eyes are distant and my words are empty
and everything I say or do is exclusively for my benefit.

People are my prey and their souls are my support;
the world is an enemy and life is a war.
I've lost my wings, I don't fly anymore
I'm no longer an angel, cuz I don't have a soul.

Iana
1:15 am
Saturday
May 6th, 2006