Fallen Angel

And you try once, twice, three times
and it still doesn't work.
And you turn yourself inside out
and wait, expecting a reaction;
but nothing happens, everything remains.

You try to take your heart out, get rid of it
and you can't. You don't want to.
So you go in and search for reasons, meanings, words
and you can't find anything;
everything is a mess, everything is a blur
but you still see the way out.
You try to reach it but you don't,
there's still that part of you that doesn't want to leave,
wants to stay, as painful as it is.

You were close once, you almost did it.
Then, it came up again: stronger, tougher, bigger.
You fought a lot and almost succeded
but it still controlled you, you still wanted it.

It's that part of you, it always interfears;
It wants to feel, despite of the price.
It doesn't matter what is it: love, pain, joy, frustration...
It doesn't care as long as you are linked to feelings, life, humanity.

It's different now, you've done it.
You can't feel a thing, you are numb.
There are still traces of it within your soul
only this time, you control them, they've lost their power over you.

Its not what you thought it'd be,
it never was.
That dream you had is over now,
you' re back to reality.

Your hands still shake, your legs still weaken
and, from time to time, anxiety overcomes sleep
but now it doesn't affect you,
because your mind controls your body.

I don't have a heart anymore, it's gone
and my soul is ripped in pieces.
My eyes are distant and my words are empty
and everything I say or do is exclusively for my benefit.

People are my prey and their souls are my support;
the world is an enemy and life is a war.
I've lost my wings, I don't fly anymore
I'm no longer an angel, cuz I don't have a soul.

Iana
1:15 am
Saturday
May 6th, 2006